I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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