okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
