rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
