Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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