I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
