So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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