Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
