eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
