you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize