It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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