i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
