he wants to bone in the snuggie
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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