don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
