just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
