After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
