he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
