dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
