i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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