HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
