so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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