I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
