The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
