i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My liver just broke up with me...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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