respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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