We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
