it hurts more in the daytime
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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