The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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