Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
