so explain again why im purple
no
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
