remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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