Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I look better un-naked...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
