So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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