based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
