they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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