i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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