..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
