I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
