I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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