hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
