I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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