The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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