someone get that fucking seahorse.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
