I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
