bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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