I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
