The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
