Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I want her autograph on my taint
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
