If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Operation Purity has been aborted
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
