I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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