he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
