i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
