I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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